This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
