bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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