I wanna bring you to show and tell
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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