Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
