There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
