Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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