I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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