We named our party play list daddy issues
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
