if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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