Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
