She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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