I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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