Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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