You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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