there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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