I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
