there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
