I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
