There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
