im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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