Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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