I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
