I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
