Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
