I looked at my own cervix.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
