Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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