I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
