Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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