My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
