Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
