Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
