On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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