rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
