Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
