I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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