if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
