***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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