She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
