You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
