Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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