I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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