I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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