Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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