The maid of honor just puked.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
