Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just want to make out with him forever
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
