It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's blow job season.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
