i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
