I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
