I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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