My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
